I have no idea what my emotions are doing right now.
Exposition time: my father and his brother and mother had a major falling out after my grandfather died. The family was very dysfunctional. I don't quite remember the reason why, but the family therapist recommended my father perform a "familyectomy" and stop seeing my uncle and grandmother. So, on his recommendation, we stopped seeing them. I was around 11 then. I'm now 22.
Today, my father visited them for the first time in years. It went well according to him. They both asked about my sister and I. The chances of a reconciliation seem good.
Right now though, my emotions are all over the place. I have no ill feelings toward either my grandmother or uncle. I'm anxious to begin rebuilding a relationship with them. But I want to be very guarded, and I plan on following my dad's lead. I probably won't go for any interaction with them until I've discussed it with my father.
I feel such an intense curiosity though. Like I'll have to keep myself from interrogating my father for every last scrap of information.
The question that I have though, is what sort of relationship will I be building with them? Had they been around for my teen years the relationships would naturally grow and change with us over time. But while we don't have the same kind of emotional baggage that exists between my parents and my uncle and grandmother, we're starting over as adults. I'm not sure what direction I should take with either of them, or even where to begin.