It's not that I don't have friends or anything. I do, but we're far apart now and everyone's so busy. But I'm back home with my parents, and I haven't made any friends here (not that I expected to). And I'm going to start school at our local city, so I've been banking on making friends through school. I mean, there will be 120 of us in my program doing the same exact thing for the next 4 years, so I'm bound to find friends.

BUT—I might commute from home because I can't afford to rent anywhere near me. And I don't want to take extra loans (because I'm already taking so much out for tuition alone) out to pay for housing and whatnot. My commute is 50 minutes with train, 30 minutes by car. I'm just afraid that being a commuter will mean that I'll really lose out on social opportunities, you know? I'm 22—I want to be OUT there and having fun to keep my sanity in check during the next 4 years because they'll be brutal. I want to make new friends! But like, if people are going out for a night out in the city, it's not really feasible for me to go out with them, at least not for long, because I just don't feel comfortable taking a 1 or 2 am train by myself home. Or people will be able to grab impromptu lunches or dinners together and whatnot, but I'd have to plan things like that out.

I guess I'm complaining for nothing. There's ways to go about having a perfectly fine social life, but pretty much 90% of my classmates are going to be living within a few blocks of each other in the city. I feel like I'm going to be left out :( I hate feeling left out! And it helps to have roommates who are in the same program, too. My friend is in this program right now (at another school), and I visited her and loved how her roommates and her were all on the same schedule and could commiserate and complain over the same things.

Anyway, basic point is that I feel like I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life because I always feel a bit lonely, even when I shouldn't feel that way. And I'm afraid of dumb things that I shouldn't be afraid of. I'm sure I'll make friends. But I seem to never be able to find BEST BEST BEST friends—just close ones that come and go—so I was hoping that this would be a fresh new start to find friends.

This was ramble-y as hell. Thanks for listening! <3