I don’t really know why I’m posting this here but I don’t really know where else I can unleash all my ~feelings~. I know some people here have issues with people using GT for therapy, in which case, please don’t worry, that’s not what I’m doing, but maybe you could just skip this post :)
BoyFloreat has been on the other side of the world for two months now, not due back til September. It’s taking its toll. I moved to this city to be with him, but I have not been especially successful in making new friends - two women I spent a year becoming friendly with moved abroad to work for an NGO, I did become friendly with someone I met online (on Jez actually!) but you know, I still don’t know her that well and don’t want to hassle her too much, and all my friends from uni/where I grew up are all down south. Plus now, I’ve handed in my notice (WOOHOO! so excited!), it’s kind of awkward at work, so I’m finding myself in the situation where I talk to literally no one all day.
I *have* been depressed before, it is an issue I often have to deal with, but this is not quite the same feeling. I know that there’s an end date. I *know* that in September BoyFloreat will be back and I will have started my new job and my friends that are still studying will be back for their final years. But I am still finding myself slipping into very destructive habits, the most worrying one being drinking - I’ve had half a bottle of wine already and it’s not even 8pm. I feel like I’m in a good mood now, but I’m worried about a repeat of a weekend a couple of weeks ago, where I got drunk and went out to a bar alone, which, yeah I got to talk to people but I also spent a stupid amount of money so I don’t really want to repeat it. Plus I’m still not convinced that it wasn’t completely pathetic.
I can’t really settle on anything I like doing. I’ve read all the Harry Potter books now. I’m not sure there’s anything else I can even do on Skyrim. I’ve watched all of Peep show. I’ve gone out and tried just chatting to strangers. I’ve joined a gym. I’ve even got a new job. My boredom and general isolation is not from laziness or even social anxiety. But I’m getting really frightened about this last month. I’m really struggling to cope. I just need to be around people. And it’s such a big city and I live dead in the centre but I may as well be in the middle of Norway for all the good it’s doing me. It’s got to the point where I briefly imagined BoyFloreat telling me he was going to do a similar thing next year, and I knew, instantly, that if he said that I would struggle to keep the relationship going.
I don't know what I'm asking you guys to do about it, or what I want you to say. I guess if any of you are in the NE of England that would be good, but I doubt you are. I suppose gifs? Or just telling me how your days are going? Just a conversation would be nice.