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Feeling nervous about this weekend

OMG OMG thank you whoever granted me authorship! I feel like I'm finally in the cool kids club. And now I'll be kicked out for saying that...

Anyway, Mr. Waffle and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversay two weeks ago, and tomorrow we're heading out for a mini-road trip to celebrate. We booked a whirlpool suite, I found a promising sushi restaurant, and I' excited to go. I'm also so nervous I could vomit.


We haven't had sex in a year and a half. It's hard to explain why without giving a bit of history. He is a recovering alcoholic and is on anti-depressants. He's needed Viagra since I've known him, but things were easier to accomplish when the romance was new. We both went a little bit bonkers when we met, had a bit of a whirlwind courtship, and married a year after we met. We moved across the country on a whim, went broke, moved back home and have been rebuilding ever since. We went through bankruptcy, epic fights with our families, had to use food stamps for a few months to get by... I've been working steadily for the last two years and he's about to finish a horticulture program. We've both gained massive amounts of weight, I lost a tooth, and my adult acne, which gets worse with stress and hormones, has left me scarred all over my face and body.

So, neither one of us has felt particularly sexy in a while. We kiss, we cuddle, and we love each other deeply, but the physical side only comes out when we're on trips. I still have the physical urge to have sex, but it takes a lot more to stimulate him. He watches porn, which is fine by me, but I admit to feeling jealous that I'm not usually part of the action.

It completely surprised me that he suggested getting the whirlpool suite. He knows how much I love baths, so I though it was a really sweet gesture. He also filled his prescription for Vitamin V, which is a huge deal since, a) he took the initiative, and b), that shit is $25 a pill! He only got a couple, but still, big deal for us!

I'm feeling nervous about tomorrow night. It's not like I've forgotten how to do it, but I start thinking, what if it doesn't work? What if one of us doesn't feel like it? When will we have the chance again? I realize how ridiculous it sounds, but my brain hates me and likes to torture me.


Anyway, any tips?

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