Work is really sucking right now, and I’m struggling a bit to manage my feelings about it.
I’m finishing a mat leave contract in about a week. The woman who went on leave has been back since last Thursday and it’s so uncomfortable working with her. I started this job after she went on her mat leave, so we never really worked together before. I just had one very brief orientation session with her at the start of the contract last summer. Right now, I’m training her on some new systems that have been implemented since she left and we’re both doing the same job, basically. Because there are no clear boundaries between her job and mine and she’s transitioning back into the role, I feel like she’s trampling all over my work, and constantly questioning me and nitpicking me. It’s making me feel incompetent and inadequate. She frequently disagrees with me and the way I handle things, and I feel like she thinks my decisions are bad or wrong.
I’m starting a new position right after this one, and this is really undermining my confidence. My new employer is so excited to have me on board and I can tell they expect great things from me. Right now, though, I feel like I’m the worst and I’m going to fail.
I struggle with feeling inadequate professionally all the time. Every time I make a mistake or forget something, I feel like shit. I have almost always had jobs with really big workloads and sometimes I feel like there’s just too much stuff I have to remember at any given time. I’m scared of failing at this new job and disappointing my employer. I wish I were the cool, confident, competent employee everyone else seems to be, but I’m not. Clearly, this colleague thinks I’m an idiot and I definitely feel like one right now.