So most of my friends in this city are dudes. It's a combination of a slightly higher proportion of the friends that I made here post-high school being in male dominated fields such as engineering or computer science, plus the fact that a lot of my lady friends have moved to other cities in the last few years. I am one of the few girls left in our social circle who isn't there because I'm dating one of the guys (not that there is anything wrong with that being the reason you're in our group, I really love my friends' girlfriends).

Being a super feminist woman in a group of mostly white dudes poses challenges. However, these guys say sexist stuff way less frequently than you would expect (yay?), gendered issues just don't really come up in conversation and they're pretty respectful about the women in our group.

Tonight, my one friend who I argue (in a friendly way) with frequently said something about "guys and females" and I pointed out that it was messed up to refer to men in such a colloquial way while referring to women simply as an adjective that could be applied to any species. Him and I started to discuss this, and these two guys, who I kind of know, jumped in and stated yelling at me about how I am being a a crazy feminist and spouting bullshit. I made the point that words mean things and that's the only reason that language can exist as a useful tool and they yelled at me that female and woman and girl mean the same thing and I'm only making them mean different things in my head to be offended. I pointed out that there are lots of words in the English language that are synonymous but have different implicit meanings, plus if a woman said she was uncomfortable being called a female, literally all they have to do is substitute one word in their vocabulary for another word that should already be there (i.e. woman, or even gal) and they just yelled at me that I'm spouting crazy feminist bullshit.

I then went on to point out that this had been a discussion between me and my friend Matt. I said that I wasn't emotional or yelling, Matt wasn't emotional or yelling, that the two of us were having an intellectual conversation about language in relation to gender, and that it was the two of them getting emotional and shouting at me, so what does that say? They then proceeded to say "fuck you" and call me a "crazy feminist bitch".

I have hung out with these assholes once before, and while I knew that I would never be best friends with them, I had no idea that this would happen. I also know that if a man had brought up the fact that "female" was an adjective and shouldn't be used as a counterpoint to "guy", they wouldn't have given it a second thought. On the ride home, I went over it with the guys in the car and told them that one of the reasons that I don't like women being called females is because there are a lot of misogynists who use the word exclusively in the place of "women" and it's really othering and demeaning. Honestly, I don't think they really got it, but I know that they got that I think it's bad to call women females, and if it's important to me, they'll adjust their vocabulary.


Matt, who insists that he finds feminism sort of stupid (while frequently agreeing with me on even very progressive feminist ideology... dude's an enigma) told everyone "Van wasn't even being a feminist, she was just being and Englishist!" and completely agreed with me already by the time these dudes started yelling at me. I can;t remember the last time I experienced something like this, but it make me just want to go back to hanging out with my acquaintance group of queer feminist ladies because they never yell at me.

P.S.- I AM LE DRUNK. I take no responsibility for the editing.