Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

Word up, y’all, it’s been awhile; I went on a minor work journey but didn’t bring my computer, and the tablet and phone both now refuse to log into Kinja. Whoopee. Anyway, I’m guessing Groupthink is still standing and could someone confirm for me that Jezebel is still standing?

And now on to headline relevance. If you want to read about an amusing but not at all traumatic bar experience (tw: none), skip ahead to where I’ve headed it as ***LONG LARGELY POINTLESS STORY***. If you want to just discuss the Feminist Vocabulary question I am posting about, then read on! Here’s the question: do we have a word, we in the femternet, for men who claim to be feminists or claim a similar SJW mantle but still blindly stomp through everything with privilege boots? Or worse, use the feminist/SJW mantle to excuse their assface behaviour? I feel like this word must exist, but I can’t think of it. Anyone have one, or suggestions as to what we can start using? Long largely pointless story below is about one of them.


I just went out with a pal on Friday night whom I hadn’t seen in awhile, we had a great time. Herr honk came out for a bit, and then we were two ladies on our own - although we are both taken and neither of us are trying to pull. But then fate intervened. My pal noticed a couple of guys sitting to our left in the bar, one of whom appeared to be being thoroughly harangued by the other guy. (He appeared to be on the receiving end of a hard sell on a mountaineering thing, which is patently dangerous.) Pal reckoned he looked like he might need to be rescued, in the manner of a lady rescuing another lady from unwanted attention in the bar, so she waited until Harangue-Man had gotten up for a pee and asked the potential mark if he was okay. And he was! They were pals from school, hadn’t seen each other in awhile, and Harangue-Man was just like that.

But we didn’t disengage fast enough, and Harangue-Man came back from the toilet and decided I was his new target. I feel a LITTLE bit bad about letting him chase after me so long when I am not on the market, but I never actually flirted with him and he did have a lot of opportunity to be less of a douche than he was. (He would proabbly say I flirted. I would say I behaved like a normal person. You know how some guys are like, omg she spoke to me she wants the d? That.)


Things I have now learned about Harangue-Man:
-his marathon time
-his Ironman time
-his trad climbing lead grade
-he plays four instruments including flute and he is very very very good at all of them
-he is in the RAF and it’s so very difficult to be in the RAF as a left-wing liberal
-he has several houses (and thus could not tell me where he lived)
-he has a cut body (his words)
-his reading list includes Dostoyevsky and Chekhov and neither me or my Pal could possibly match his reading list (I am not kidding - this happened)
-he thinks my phone (which is 3 years old) is inferior. (HE NEGGED MY PHONE lololololololol)
-his phone number because he TOOK MY PHONE when I wasn’t paying attention, and put his number in it, and called himself
-his eventual pickup line was “It’s so hard to be a left-wing liberal in the RAF, so why don’t we go somewhere and talk about communism?”

Turns out he’s a caricature! Naturally, the number of times Harangue-Man asked me and Pal questions about ourselves was 0. He also blew right past my mention of herr honk. Again, I feel a little bit bad for letting him go on like this - could be seen as time wasting - but he kind of made his own bed. For that reason, I felt pretty okay about my trolling him IRL. I took the stance of “none of this impresses me,” because, well, it didn’t. Meanwhile Drunk Pal, who is a hero, called him on EVERYTHING, including asking, “Did you know honkhonkhonk is really fucking good at ____music? Did you ask?” and “Yeah, we haven’t read any Tolstoy in the last year because we both just finished PhD’s!” and finally taking Harangue-Man’s much quieter but very normal friend aside and telling him he could do better in the friend department because this guy’s a dick.


In the end, I felt almost as if I’d PUA’ed poor Harangue-Man because by not swooning over his CV recitation. It was as if by not being impressed, I was negging him and making him want to work harder to prove himself to me. Bless.

So: what is the word for a dude like this who tells you his left-wing cred, but is either oblivious to his own behaviour or uses said cred to excuse it?

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