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Fifth date

Tonight will be my fifth date with OKC Guy since I met him a week and a half ago. I'm already in that almost unbearable infatuation stage where all of my organs feel like they're vibrating and I can't concentrate on anything. It feels way too new to be here already. It's strange and it puts me in a panic because it feels so close to standing on the edge of a cliff. I haven't dated in so long, and I don't remember it being like this with Ex. The beginning with Ex was so much more physical, and so much less urgent.

I've been thinking about bringing up the big issues tonight (that aren't dick size… sorry about that llama) and figuring out if we're on the same page with things instead of just assuming that we are, before things go too far. My Ex had a lot of good qualities – compassion; kindness; a wonderful, innate understanding of people. But, there were obviously things that set me on edge that I had wish I'd known about before we started dating. Ex was always self-conscious about how little I expressed my love for him, and I was self-conscious about how unnatural he was at being physically affectionate with me. More importantly, Ex was also very guarded about his feelings, even after seven years. I remember one argument about something that I knew was bothering him even though he denied it. One day, months after the fact, he told me he was feeling such and such thing on that particular day, way after anything could've been done. It drove me crazy.


So far, OKC Guy (ok… I'll call him the Cabin Boy for now) has been very physically affectionate. I didn't realize how much I needed that to feel comfortable with a person. I understand it and trust it better than fancy words or poetry. It's a little early to say if his style of communication meshes with mine, but he seems like a frequent texter and checks in throughout the day. This has been a nice surprise for me.

Do you have any unexpected relationship deal breakers? On a not-so-serious level, I'm not sure if I could date someone who is really into jam bands.

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