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You guys! I had two scary things to do today and I did one of them already!

One was to call my best friend. That doesn't sound scary, you might be thinking to yourself, but I think I have telephonophobia. I hate calling anyone, even if I know they want me to. Like, I can't even call the pizza place (thank god for online ordering!). Anyway, my best friend, who lives 1000 miles away, and I talk at least 3 times a week on the phone and everyday online, and at least once a month, he tells me it makes him feel bad and unloved that he has to call me all the time. And my therapist has told me the last 3 times I saw her that I should just call someone once a week, but I haven't been able to do it. I think, what if he's busy? what if he's in a bad mood? what if I have nothing to say? and then I can't press the stupid button on my phone to make the call happen. I even set alarms twice a week to call him, but had so far managed to ignore them. Then last week, I was talking about this with the BFF and he said it reminded him of his brother, who's a drug addict and an asshole who my BFF hates, and I don't want to be like an asshole brother, so I finally called when my Sunday calling alarm went off. But not before sending BFF a long message about how I was going to call and it was going to be weird and awkward so he should feel free not to answer. I think he's at work, so he didn't answer, but I called and hooray for me! I will defeat you yet telephonophobia!

The second scary thing is that I have band practice with this soul band I have been asked to join. I'm friends with half the people in the band, and I'm one of four backup singers, so there's not a lot of pressure in terms of having to stand out and be super amazing or anything, but it's still a new situation and some newish people and I have occasionally crippling social anxiety (see telephonophobia above) and I am really hard on myself about having to be good at things all the time and it makes me miserable when I'm not. (I'm a fucking mess.) I'm going to be okay though (right? right? please tell me I'll be okay) because:

1) I took my Celexa today,

2) I've been practicing the songs for weeks and I know them,

3) I have the remnants of a cold so I have a good excuse if my singing is not awe-inspiring,


4) the people in the band are really nice and it's mostly a fun side project for everyone and it's not a big deal.


Wish me luck.


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