And just ordered a commercial sourdough starter off Amazon. Six bucks, plus four for shipping.
I had this purist notion in my head that I'd make my own from local wild yeasts, but plenty of horror stories from flops others have tried stalled me long enough that I finally just said fuck it and skipped that step. I'm not competing for purest of the pure, I just want some tasty sourdough. It arrives in 3-5 days, I assume it'll have to be nursed and fed for awhile, but there shall be fresh-baked sourdough in my future, Noodle willing.
Fingers crossed, pics and narrative shall follow, if I can type with butter-soaked fingers.