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Fitting in - or not, and the emotions that go with that

I just got home from a social outing that I organized, and I am sad, super sad. The outing was with 2 other postdocs, and they basically talked to each other the whole time - asking each other questions, showing each other photos, etc. The couple times I chimed in, I either got corrected* or no one seemed interested in what I was saying. The whole time we were together, no one asked me a question about myself or my life. I like hearing about their lives - but I wish they were a little interested in mine as well.

I’m feeling really sorry for myself right now. I love NYC, but really I’m so isolated. My postdoc mentor finally moved here last month, but still isn’t here full time, and when she is, I don’t really see her that much. I moved here for her - to work with her. We haven’t met for 4 weeks (and we are supposed to meet every week - in person).

I thought this group of postdocs would be my group - but I feel like I’m not cool enough for them. I often initiate social things with them, they never initiate social things with me.


Part of the challenge is I’m the only one who moved here recently - they are all established with partners or dates or friend groups. Part of it is just that I am too different or weird, I guess.

I just want to stay home and be by myself for - well, forever. I don’t need advice -would love commiseration or some empathy. I’ve been really struggling emotionally since Parkland for reasons I don’t totally understand, and don’t really want to get advice that makes me feel like I am doing things wrong or handling things wrong.

Just empathy - or your own stories, please. I’ll get past this and things will be fine - I just need to wallow a bit and feel heard before I can move on.

*I used some wrong terms for things - and in our academic area, if you use the wrong terms, you aren’t progressive enough. I know the right terms, I just was really tipsy — I rarely drink and I had one drink, so wasn’t 100% in control.

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