Okay, I'm going to sound like a weirdo, but:

I'm scared of bathtubs. I need to be un-scared of bathtubs. My new house has a separate shower and tub. The tub is giant and has jets...it looks amazing. I would leave this alone, but I need to take specific baths for this whole new health thing I'm trying and because every doctor I have thinks it's a good idea (I'm sorta wound up like a corkscrew half the time).

The thought of soaking in a bathtub makes me want to pull my skin off and then scrub with Hibicleanse (what up fellow germ freaks and sickkies!).

Here's where my past bathtub issues stem from:

1) When I was very little (like 3 or 4) there was a ridiculously cold winter in Texas and our pipes froze. Thus, the garbage disposal somehow backed up into the bathtub while I was in it. There was lettuce in the bathtub! And whatever else my Mom had garbage disposal-ed that day. I very clearly remember that horror.

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2) Once, when I was taking a shower and didn't have contacts in, I grabbed my towel and there was a cockroach in it! I am scared of only one insect/arachnid: the cockroach. If you don't the hell of having multiple kinds of roaches and giant ones that fly at you- continue your existence happily outside of central and south Texas. I also cannot see at all without my contacts- so it was beyond too close by the time I realized what was happening.

I know I sound like a whackadoodle. Other things I associate with bathtubs: college and dirty bathtubs. Dirty bathtubs everywhere.


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(I'm also scared of dinosaurs- that's a whole other sitch)


Now, my bathtub is clean. Extremely clean. I've cleaned the entire jet system about five times and I've scrubbed the entire tub endlessly. It is undoubtedly cleaner than my kitchen right now. I want to take a bath. I should and need to take a bath. I can not use bubbles in the tub because of the jets, but I do have Epsom salt to relax and hot water. I cannot use scented things because I'm allergic and I'd get bombed before hand, but I cannot drink currently.

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Does anyone have any ideas other than a xanax to get in the tub? That's only temporary and I want to stop being afraid. I'm usually crazy good at self analysis, but I can't handle this on my own. Group Thinkers- Halp!

ETA: I love swimming. I'm more at home in a pool than I am anywhere else. It's definitely not the water thing. It's the damn bathtub.