So while I still am in the process of recovering from the Rangers' shitty, disastrous September, I hear the news that Ian Kinsler is being traded for $30 million dollars and a sack of cheeseburgers Prince Fielder. I know this is a good trade for everyone involved, but I can't make myself feel good about it. So you know what that means!

You know that this meant playing Fuck, Marry, Kill: Ian Kinsler, Prince Fielder, and $30 Million.

Here's my take: Fuck Ian Kinsler, because he's been my heteronormative man crush for the last few years. But at this point, it would just be a hookup, since I'm not going to Detroit for a booty call, and the Tigers don't play here that much.

Marry $30 Million. I mean, come on: who wouldn't want to have $30 Million to be theirs forever, forever faithful. I'd be faithful, too: I wouldn't even flirt with Euros or Dinars or Yuan or even Rai Stones.

Kill Prince Fielder, but have a vampire involved in it. Vampire Prince Fielder would pretty much guarantee the Rangers a World Series game, so long as there aren't too many day games.

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Thoughts? No one could possibly disagree with any of these.