Spacer for talk about mental health, meds, etc

I saw my doctor a few days ago and he started me on Celexa. Apparently it’s a precursor to Lexapro, which I was on in 2007-2008 and had a decent amount of success with, but it’s dramatically cheaper since it’s an older drug. So far, I’m extremely fatigued during the day and feel kind of sedated/droopy, and my appetite is really weird. I’ve had nausea on and off and actually threw up the morning after I first took it (I’ve been taking it at night along with my BC pill and my insomnia med.) I know to expect 4-6 weeks before I notice any real positive effects, but here’s to hoping that some of these side effects are just part of the introductory period and will subside as I adjust to it. I was kind of hoping to get something short acting for anxiety as well, as I’ve been having panic attacks on a pretty regular basis, but he didn’t prescribe it and I was scared to ask for xanax or something directly. :/

I’m a little concerned about weight gain, which is pretty much the most widely reported side effect along with loss of libido. I remember gaining some with Lexapro but I was young and skinny enough when I first started out that it wasn’t really that big of a deal. That was ten years ago, and I’ve gained more since then. I don’t hate the way I look now, but I do know I need to shed about 15-20 pounds. I just started tracking my calories on MyFitnessPal, and I’m going to be more diligent about my gym habits, so hopefully I’ll at least nip gaining anymore in the bud, even if the pills make it harder to lose weight.

I also start school again on Tuesday which I’m somewhat looking forward to. Crossing my fingers that I’ll just be able to dive head first into my studies and gain some hope and momentum by working towards my goals again, and forget about how shitty I’ve been feeling. I’m also only taking nine hours this semester instead of 12 which was the original plan. The self-preserving part of me kicked in somewhere and said “maybe that’s not such a great idea when you’re crawling out of a deep black depressed sinkhole.”

My jazz ensemble resumes rehearsals next week to which should be a nice distraction.

As far as the boyfriend stuff I posted about a few days back, I’ve pretty much decided to just take a step back and see how things play out over the semester, focus on my schooling and my recovery, and try to not overthink things or put pressure on myself. I think the uncertainty of it all- all the big changes, my depression resurfacing, having more school related pressure, has pushed on my fears about being abandoned (which tend to run at top volume when I’m depressed already) I can give myself some credit for at least seeing that. I guess I’m just afraid of making a big decision until I have my house in order a bit more, so to speak.

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I’m having a pretty hard time getting out of bed and leaving my house still, but I’ve been trying to reach out to someone on the phone most days, and I’ve exercised three times this week. So that’s good.