1) Yoplait Custard-Style. WTF?! Where did this go? I was OBSESSED with this yogurt as a kid — it was the only thing I'd eat for breakfast for a weird several months (I had a lot of food-phases). I haven't seen it on the shelf in years, and based on some half-assed googling, it seems it's been discontinued. Why would Yoplait do this to me???

2) Radiatore pasta. I remember eating this all the time as a child. In the last decade I have lived in Maine, Maryland, and Wyoming, and in NONE of those places have I found it on grocery stores shelves. Radiatore is clearly the MOST FUN pasta to eat! Why are we, as a society, dissing radiatore?! Apparently I can order a 10 lb bag (non-multicolored, SIGH) from Amazon but it's more than $30. What. The. Fuck. $30 for radiatore or no radiatore at all? In any case, I am weighing the merits of this approach.

3) Lemon Twist V8. Honestly, I've accepted my loss on this front. I get it: it's gross, and I'm gross for loving it. I'm not an idiot, and I stocked up when I heard it was being discontinued. But those stores have long since run out, and squeezing in real lemon isn't the same as that bottled artificial-lemon goodness (I KNOW I'M GROSS). But I pine for it each time I walk through the juice aisle. I pine.


Here is a sad song, sometimes played at funerals, that expresses my feelings about the passing of V8 Lemon Twist. Lyrics and translation can be found here.

4) Newman's Own Vodka Sauce. Since we've already gotten emotional, I feel comfortable admitting that I still get really sad in the pasta sauce aisle when I see Paul Newman's face x 100 staring down at me benevolently from the shelves. The one comfort I find tends to be the snazziness of his themed outfits that vary by sauce variety. The BEST OF THESE is obviously the vodka sauce outfit. And yet my entire state has apparently decided it hates this sauce. Without warning, it disappeared from the shelves of every store in my town and multiple others in different towns I've checked. According to the official website it's still out there. BUT WHITHER.