It’s been a tough week for me - and I don’t think it’s going to get much better until after Sunday. Have something fluffy for a spacer!
All the emails in my inbox talking about Father’s Day (Buy the perfect gift for Dad!), and the buzz on the internet have been leaving me in a state of general unease. I know I have an obvious reason for being a bit uncomfortable during this time of year - but it wasn’t until I talked with my therapist about it and really started to look at how I actually felt that I understood what I am actually feeling (abject terror, always fun) and how deep I am pushing it. The unease is what bleeds through my walls.
I don’t want to detract from people who have fond memories with their fathers, or who find this time happy. I don’t want to make anyone feel bad for talking about it. But I know that I’m not the only one that has a difficult relationship with their father.
I don’t know where I’m going with this - I just wanted to shout out to people like me and let us all know that we’re not alone.
Now just to tell myself that it’s ok to feel sad, or scared, or anything. I don’t have to be stoic all the time - and in fact, feeling emotion is a big step. It’s not fair, but I’ve made it through every year before this one, and I’ll make it through this one. I’ll just listen to “Just Give Me a Reason” on repeat for the next week (I know it’s between two lovers - but I feel broken often enough that it speaks to me).
Just give me a reason, just a little bits enough,
Just a second, We’re not broken - just bent - and we can learn to love again
It’s in the stars, it’s been written in the scars on our hearts
You’re not broken - just bent - and we can learn to love again
And you know what? Here’s to us. Because these last few days HAVE kicked my ass.