It’s been a tough week for me - and I don’t think it’s going to get much better until after Sunday. Have something fluffy for a spacer!

All the emails in my inbox talking about Father’s Day (Buy the perfect gift for Dad!), and the buzz on the internet have been leaving me in a state of general unease. I know I have an obvious reason for being a bit uncomfortable during this time of year - but it wasn’t until I talked with my therapist about it and really started to look at how I actually felt that I understood what I am actually feeling (abject terror, always fun) and how deep I am pushing it. The unease is what bleeds through my walls.

I don’t want to detract from people who have fond memories with their fathers, or who find this time happy. I don’t want to make anyone feel bad for talking about it. But I know that I’m not the only one that has a difficult relationship with their father.

I don’t know where I’m going with this - I just wanted to shout out to people like me and let us all know that we’re not alone.

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Now just to tell myself that it’s ok to feel sad, or scared, or anything. I don’t have to be stoic all the time - and in fact, feeling emotion is a big step. It’s not fair, but I’ve made it through every year before this one, and I’ll make it through this one. I’ll just listen to “Just Give Me a Reason” on repeat for the next week (I know it’s between two lovers - but I feel broken often enough that it speaks to me).

Just give me a reason, just a little bits enough,

Just a second, We’re not broken - just bent - and we can learn to love again

It’s in the stars, it’s been written in the scars on our hearts

You’re not broken - just bent - and we can learn to love again

And you know what? Here’s to us. Because these last few days HAVE kicked my ass.