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Fourth of July Activities

Illustration for article titled Fourth of July Activities

So, LadyTrout and a friend just went down to see the fireworks in downtown Frederick. I didn't go because fuck that, it's 95 degrees with a billion % humidity in downtown Frederick right now, and I'm not willingly subjecting myself to that. The best part is she can't yell at me like she normally would because I spent several hours cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom today (I may never stop smelling bleach). Here are things I have done or plan to do while she's out:

  • Called my cat a whore for taking my spot on the couch and refusing to move, then pelting her with socks until she decided to move her fluffy ass
  • Sang The Rains of Castamere on basically infinite repeat since I learned the words earlier today (SERIOUSLY, HELP ME, I CAN'T STOP, IT'S SO FUCKING CATCHY)
  • Stared at my new smartphone in a combination of wonder/horror (wonder because I actually like it, although the touchscreen can fuck off, horror because I hate being able to say I own a smartphone)
  • Threatened to assault Kinja because of its continued refusal to work properly (this is basically something I do every day, though)
  • Drank (not there yet — plan to be!)
  • Played Remember Me (while drunk)

What are all my fellow joyless, anti-social misanthropes up to?


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