Or: Thoughts on Working with a Goddamn Lunatic

[No MAINPAGING — he knows where we live, FFS]

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Some of you may know that I’m married to a remarkably patient man whom I like to call “Mr. MacNasty.” We’ll have been married for 10 years in October and have been together since 1998. Though a VileYankee (TM), he was willing to move to the South in order for me to get my MA. He is pretty great.

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Since 2006, poor Mr. MacNasty has been working for the most insane person either one of us has ever seen outside a Batman movie. At first we simply didn’t realize. Sure, the guy wore sweater vests and bow-ties, but that was harmless enough, surely. Sure, he took away salaries and never replaced them despite a multitude of promises, but times were tough. Sure, he stole employee gift cards, but, uh, maybe he was doing something constructive with all those lunches at Applebee’s?? And SURE, he was a racist, fat-shaming prick who believes Sarah Palin might be a fucking SAGE, but....

Ok, no. The guy was a total lunatic.

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It dawned on us only gradually that the man was completely demented. Things that tipped us off:

1) After the last election, demanded my husband sit in his office while he went off on a racist tirade about Obama. At the end, he made the wild suggestion the 50 states be divided up more “properly,” and apparently drew some kind of chart. Mr. NacNasty, a dyed-in-the-wool liberal, patiently replied, “You mean like Europe in 1938?”

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After a pause, Insane Boss: “You know, Hitler did get a few things right.”

Just to clarify... The man complimented Hitler.

2) He enjoyed fat-shaming the secretary. Anytime she’d haplessly be in the lunchroom and Insane Boss would come in, he’d jovially knock on the vending machine and bellow at her, “LEAVE ANYTING LEFT FOR THE REST OF US?”

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Hilarious, bro.

3) My husband had to have a rather serious operation on his gums, due to a childhood accident* and was out of work for a few days. When he returned, Insane Boss was waiting for him eagerly. “You know, you spent all that money on your teeth, but if I was you, I’d have gotten a nose job first!”

Lovely.

4) Out of nowhere, happening upon Mr. MacNasty’s LinkdIn profile: “For such an ugly guy, you take pretty good pictures.”

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He felt this was a compliment.

5) Regarding our current president, who he loathes for racist reasons as well as his usual insane reasons: “The guy is making sure I get to be responsible for supplying your wife with her whore pills every month.”

Mr. MacNasty: “How ‘bout we don’t discuss ‘whore pills’ and MY WIFE in the same sentence?”

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WHORE PILLS, GUISE. Did you know real people said this?!

There’s a lot more, but it will only depress me to continue. In any case, Mr. MacNasty recently completed his own master’s! (Even though his Insane Boss insinuated that higher education was for losers).

He is so smart and I am so proud of him.

And in any case, GOOD NEWS. For today, precious GTers? Today IS HIS LAST FUCKING DAY.

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Celebrate his freedom by telling me your own Insane Boss stories in the comments!!

* The childhood accident is a whole different post.