The discussion of friends flaking got to me. One of my goals since my life went to shit is to get out more and make more friends. To build my own life and happiness. Not easy. I’ve gone to meet up groups. Tried to be open to meeting new people. I’ve tried to foster existing friends. I was an absent friend for years and leaned in too hard of some of them in a crisis. Some of the damage is probably not reparable.

Anyway, I am making progress. I met a friend. We’ve hung a few times. We have fun. She doesn’t know how hard my life is at home. I’m ok with that. It’s nice to have a normal friend. A normal feeling. The situation with my wife is stable, but not great. She’s seriously mentally ill and it’s not good. It’s hard. It always will be. I’m a caretaker for a person with severe mental illness and serious physical issues. That’s that.

How do I have normal friends when I feel like a liar for going out and pretending to be normal with a friend? I don’t need friends who understand. I just need friends, but I feel like I’m scamming people by pretending to be normal.