I have two male friends. One ("Jim") has been a friend for a long time, one ("Sam") is my friend because he hooked up with the first (they are gay, if that wasn't clear). Sam moved here for Jim, and he is such a great friend now. They have lived together for a couple years, now, but it has become clear to us that Jim is abusing Sam emotionally. They have broken up several times, and are broken up right now, and Jim is just pummeling Sam with abuse. You can see it from afar.

I have survived an abusive relationship but I was not co-habitating, and I was much younger, and the dynamic is different. So I don't know if my experience applies.

The main thing is, Sam needs to move out, ASAP, because Jim is 1) kicking him out (not that he has the power to do that, really, but whatever) and 2) Sam is just a wreck and Jim is getting wasted and yelling at him all day everyday, so Sam has been couch surfing.

I don't have much tolerance for Jim, now, even though he's been a good friend for a long time. I know that it's going to appear I'm taking sides but frankly I see a friend in distress who doesn't know many people outside Jim. So I don't care.

My question is, is it over-reaching for me to start trying to find Sam a place to live? I may have some leads there. He has not asked me to do this, and while I know he says he needs to move out, I'm not positive he actually wants to - I think he might be hooked in. He has never directly told me he can't find a place but is looking, either. While I feel close to Sam, I know there are problems and incidents he is not disclosing that I can see or that Jim has admitted to - so bringing them up might be really hard for Sam to hear, and might not be helpful to him.


Since we haven't had a conversation about it, do I have a right, or responsibility, to do this? I mean, my ultimate plan would be to just say to him, without much detail, "So-and-so's rental room is open, if you need a place to go." Is that too much?

ETA: Because Sam moved here for Jim, he doesn't actually know many people, as far as finding a place to live or a roommate.