So I want to start with this video — if I can find it — and then go from there..
So I really had to stop and listen to this video because initially it was posted as a sub-facebook post between two former friends, and myself. At first it stung, but then I actually watched it... I agree with a lot of what Vanessa said.. and it made me wonder.
Friendships haven’t always been difficult for me, I was fairly popular in middle school and very popular in highschool. I knew kids from all across the social heirarchies. It helped that my highschool was too big (5,000+ students under one roof) for there to be “most popular” esque cliques. Though I’d done that in middle school when my 8th grade class was roughly 50 kids total.
It wasn’t until about Junior year in HS where things started to go array... and I think one of my best friendships got thrown into the proverbial meat grinder.
I think some of you know I moved crossed country to live with a friend, like four-ish years ago.
And it resulted in a fairly large falling out — since then I’d kind of grown accustomed to my life without her. I’d readjusted my friendships in her absence. I also learned just what I could and could not handle out of people, and my communication needs.
Fast forward to about a year ago where she suffered a huge tragedy — and it brought us and a few other old friends together. There was excitement at being back together, being best friends, the possibility seemed there. But there were also triggers present, unease, mistrust, and resentment. For me.
I talked to Celia about it, and councilor and came to a place where maybe I just wasn’t ready to be her friend again, if I ever was. She’d invite me over but I’d avoid, or flake, or I’d see if someone would like to come with me.
The messages between us were always sort and seemed devoid of any real caring, like a function of requirement. Like estranged sisters forced to be nice over Christmas dinner.
So when I watched the above video, and started to take inventory of all these things and feelings I realized that maybe... maybe even 10 years ago.. this friendship expired and we’d been trying to breathe life into something that had gone stale. There’s a want to be friends, but the tools and communication and languages (love and friendship language) ...
Ignoring the book.. I apply the ideas to all relationships. It’s something I lack, in doing and showing but it’s something I’ve been working on with those who allow me the patience I deserve as I give it to them.
So today — a week after a long and fruitless argument that felt more like emotional abuse using psychological terms and demeaning language rather than saying anything of merit regarding her feelings — I decided to pull the trigger.