Hey GTers, I really need some advice on this issue. So basically, about a year ago, one of my 3 closest friends (so we were a group of 4) from college did a series of things that really bothered me and my 2 other friends. This lead to a drift in friendship away from that person. A year later (now), the friend who we drifted apart from (let's call her D) emailed the 3 of us (my friends S and T and me) to apologize.
LONG STORY AHEAD. I'm sorry if it's super ramble-y/incoherent:
Now, let me get into the story. The four of us were very close for about 2 years in college. Believe me, we all have so many problems, but D always had problems that got into the way of having healthy friendships. D is a control freak, can be really selfish/self-centered, and can be a total unnecessary bitch (can't be happy for others, can't admit when she's wrong, puts others down). These are problems that she's never tried to fix—until maybe now—while the rest of us have tried to improve upon our problems.
Shit hit the fan around Halloween last year. Due to massive miscommunication, some events happened in which D got left out of completely by accident due to the fact that we thought she had other plans since her ex-boyfriend was visiting. I swear, there was no intention to leave her out. We apologized to her, and I know I personally apologized profusely and thought everything would be okay. But she would not let it go. She got into a fall-out with S, who she was closest to, in a way that made S start to pull away from her (for instance, D got mad at S for not picking up D's ex-boyfriend from the bus stop since she's the one with the car, but S had other plans. Also, D and S's parents are both really rich, but S's dad works in construction and has worked his way up so high, and D is a bit classist about the fact that S's dad is only in the business of construction [yet makes like $300,000 a year]).
Anyway, the final straw for me was that she wanted to control how dynamics were going in our friend-group. Not only that, but I had learned that she made a really jealous remark about the fact that she couldn't believe I had gotten a particular position in an important organization on campus and that she wished she had ran for it. This was supposed to be one of my closest friends; why couldn't she be proud of me?
So since then, D's friendship with us has dwindled mainly because she never apologized for anything she did, although we had put our end of the apology through time and time again until we were tired of it.
Fast-forward to this weekend: S, T, and me had a mini-reunion in New York, where D now goes to school/lives. She was not invited. However, she found out about it. Today, she emailed the three of us with her apology (finally!) about being too head-strong and stubborn over the past year.
Now here is where my dilemma is: I'm so happy that D has apologized, although I don't know how genuine it is. But I always want to give people another chance, and I don't want to hold on to petty, stupid grudges. However, S and T want nothing to do with D either way, and they don't even want to respond to D's email.
I want to. I don't want to be upset with her for the rest of my life, because let's face it, although there was a lot of unnecessary shit that she did and said, we still had a lot of good memories together. She helped me in a lot of ways, and she was the first real friend that I found in college. Also—I'm a huge mediator. I hate tension. I can be a total bitch, but deep down, I have too much of a heart (but seriously, I was called the "heart" of our group for a reason). At the same time, I don't want to be walked all over because that could happen.
I'm just worried about this. Since my two closest friends S and T still don't want anything to do with D (which I personally think is immature, too—at least the part about not even acknowledging the apology), I don't want my decision to respond or my decision to accept D's apology to interfere/cause tension in my friendship with the two of them.
I don't know. I'm so torn, you guys. I hope I don't sound weak or naive. I hope you guys don't think this is all too childish. We're still all young (22), but I'm trying to be an adult here. I can tell that D has felt a lot of built-up loneliness and confusion about the downward spiral of her relationship with us. I don't think the things that she did are things that can't be forgived. [ETA: I'm not saying I'm going to be immediately BFFs with her again, but maybe start catching up with how her life is going, etc.] I just don't know what to to do. Please HALP.