Last night as I was calmly drifting off to sleep, (Lies. I don’t quietly drift off to sleep, I frustratingly wait until sleep finally takes) some thoughts went through my mind.
‘Didn’t finance boss and creative boss invite me to a meeting this week?’
‘Yeah thursday I’m pretty sure...’
‘I wonder what it’s about..’
‘It was called ‘catch up/progress’.
‘What the hell kind of name is that for a meeting anyway?’
‘It’s so weird. No one else is having progress meetings..’
‘Why would I get a progress meeting and no one else?’
‘...unless they are unhappy with how I’m progressing.. But they haven’t said anything! Why would they be unhappy? I have been a bit moody the last few weeks because my meds are off.. But no it can’t be that, can it?? It can’t be an evaluation either because I have those with my manager, not with the bosses! Holy shit I’m losing my job aren’t I. I did something terribly wrong and I didn’t even realise. My job is my life! What will I do??’
In a matter of seconds I’d gone from almost-asleep to startled-wide-awake, convinced that I’m losing my job. My dreams were zombie-dreams (fear/stress causes those in me) and of getting fired. No matter what I do, I can’t convince myself that this isn’t the case so I’m quietly panicking to myself while I work.
When asking creative boss if I needed to prepare anything for the meeting he just said “no no, just chat a bit about progress.”
I realise fully how ridiculous this is. My bosses are generally not people with sinister intentions and they probably just want to chat about something. But I can’t stop thinking of reasons why being fired would be the most logical outcome to this conversation. Ironically I was just talking to my roommate about how I don’t look at things in the most negative way anymore. I get compliments about my positive outlook on things. But apparently, I was wrong! I can still stress myself out for no reason.
Share with me moments where you thought the worst for no apparent reason and it ended up being no big deal at all!