One of the best things about work is carving out precious moments of time to not be at work – with the caveat being, of course, that those moments “rejuvenate” you. Eight, nine, ten hour workdays obviously demand breaks, lest we all end up being puddles of drooling, bumbling idiots trying to fix an Excel issue by updating to a newer version of Microsoft Office (Hey. Miranda in HR. Are you reading this? Did you learn from that experience, Miranda? HAVE YOU EVER LEARNED ANYTHING, MIRANDA?!) So we give people breaks and lunch so they don’t keel over and die in their cubicle-cum-mausoleum.


But don’t fret, exhausted and hungry workers, because the American corporation quickly reclaimed that with the “power lunch”. Except now, food is not enough; “power lunches” have given over to "power pedicures", which I cannot get behind as I hate pedicures (Team Manicure!). I also hate the assumption that "female elites" are going to dominate the business world with perfectly painted toe-nails because long lunch meetings are too difficult what with all our "special diets." First we ruined voting, then we ruined power lunches, amirightladies?!!?

But thankfully, the industry just keeps on trucking. Soon the power pedicure will be, as Katie Mcdonough says power lunches are….O-U-T. So I’m wondering, what are some ways people in your office combine what should be pleasant, out of office moments into hell-hole meetings that ruin what should be your personal break time? Here are some options I have recently had the pleasure of attending (and to be clear, these were not “work outings” or “team-building” exercises, but WORK MEETINGS):


Birthday Celebration/Meetings: “Happy birthday, FNS – here’s some cake and some expense reports. You will not be receiving a fork until you explain the discrepancy between line 8 and the total amount requested.”


Power-Walking/Meetings: Ostensibly for health, this was really an excuse for a couple of the women to show off their impressively-athletic post-baby bodies while the rest of us wished we had not worn T-strap heels.

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Glass-Bottom Boat/Meetings: Did you seriously try to have a meeting when my other option was to look at fish UNDER MY FEET? Why did you think this would result in increased productivity? Why not try to go over assessment procedures while playing Mario Kart while you’re at it?


I can’t think of any more due to secondary-trauma around these memories, but I’m wondering if anyone has had particularly memorable “power meeting’ experiences, or maybe even had pedicures while discussing Serious Work Issues? Maybe I’m just an old foggey, but I would prefer to regain my hour of ‘lunch’ so I can pull a Castanza and actually get a freaking break. Perfect toe nails and trendy lunches be damned.