I guess I've gotta be on Facebook blackout today. I'm estranged from my father right now (by my choice) and I'm cycling through feelings of missing him, hating everyone with a decent father and mourning over not having one, thinking I should text him or something, remembering why I am not speaking to him, and then feeling guilty about hurting potentially hurting his feelings...

My good friend has a 4 year old, and the baby daddy up and left them last summer and she hasn't heard from him since. He's stopped paying child support and the child is always asking where his father is. What a piece of shit - my friend is having a tough day today too.

I'm also dealing with my grandfather telling me how much he regrets not forgiving his father before he died (my alcoholic great-grandfather beat the fuck out of his family and forced my grandfather, eldest son, to support a family of 10 when he was 11 years old and my great-grandmother was disabled from him beating her so badly that she lost a lot of nervous function in her hands and couldn't do much housework). Seems to me like the guy deserved to die alone. I'm sure my grandfather hates fathers' day too.

My dad wasn't a deadbeat; we had a good childhood and I was very close to him. My parents just got through a horrible divorce (that my dad initiated) and he has turned into an absolute monster - lying, cheating, drinking, losing his cool, making threats at my young siblings who are still dependent on him. I just keep hoping that the "good dad" I used to have is still buried somewhere in there and will come back. Fathers' Day a few years ago was also the last time I ever saw my whole family together.

Fuck this fucking day.