It’s been a shitty week, emotions-wise. I haven’t made a sale in going on three weeks, my sister-in-law wants to “decorate” my apartment, a.k.a. turn it into a beige purgatory, and my ex will give me half the money to file for our divorce, but not before telling me he loves and misses me.

TEARS.

So, for this week’s FIF, I leave you with a quick exchange between my sister and I:

Me: So I was talking to Sex Idiot—
Sis: SIGH.
Me: What??
Sis: I don’t know, I mean... Sex IDIOT? If he’s such an idiot, why have sex with him?
Me: Because I know I won’t fall in love with him.
Sis: But, I mean, SEX. IDIOT. Just why?
Me: Because SEX. Because I haven’t had it for SEVEN YEARS.
Sis: Yeah, I guess I’m not in your position—
Both: POSITION, HA!
Waffle Sister high five.

BONUS:

A video from the man of my dreams...