OK, I have had it up to fucking HERE with dudes who decide they know my dog better than I do based on 10 minutes of observation.

Buster is ridiculously cute. He has a lot of personality. He swaggers around like he owns the place, whatever the place in question may be. I completely understand why people want to pet him and play with him so much — I fell in love with him the second I laid eyes on him.

But he also comes from an abusive background, he doesn’t like or trust people easily, he’s very suspicious of strangers, and hands coming at the top of his head really scare him. This is generally not a problem — he’s very good at ducking and weaving out of the way when people try to pet him, and he never tries to bite or even nip, though he will bark his head off if people don’t respect his space.

But occasionally, a dude — and it’s always a dude — decides that he is going to get Buster to like him, damn it, and won’t take no for an answer. It becomes a challenge, basically, and they seem to take personal offense that he’s very affectionate with me but wants nothing to do with them, even though he’s my fucking dog.

There was a guy at the dog park this evening who was the worst yet. Buster made his disinterest crystal clear, and I told him several times that Buster rarely wants anything to do with people, but he wouldn’t fucking stop. He kept following Buster around, trying to “scratch his nose” after I specifically told him how much Buster dislikes anything coming at his head (one of Buster’s eyes has been watering a bit, and he kept rubbing at it, and the guy kept insisting that he was actually trying to itch his nose and that he’d be really happy if the guy did it for him).

Buster was getting upset and started barking really aggressively, which I have to shut down because if he gets too worked up he can’t stop himself and we have to leave the park. So I was making the sharp “shhh” noise that Buster knows means stop barking, and trying to herd him away from asshat, though now he didn’t want to go because he’d pegged the guy as a threat and wanted to keep him in his sight.

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And this was the point fuckhead started lecturing me about how Buster was just playing and the barking meant he was having fun and I needed to just relax and let him be a dog.

DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE DIE.

I tried to be firm but diplomatic — I told him that I know my dog, I know what he likes and doesn’t like and the difference between play barking and fear aggressive barking, and I know when he’s getting stressed and scared.

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And then he tried to argue with me! It was just so patronizing and infuriating. Buster’s been a near-constant presence in my life for three years, we’ve worked through a lot of shit because of his abuse and then the attack earlier this year, and I know him better than I think I’ve ever known anyone, human or animal, before — and this fucking guy would not stop condescendingly telling me that he understood Buster better than I do based on watching him in the park for a few minutes.

I finally just walked away rather than making a scene, but I was so fucking angry. You’re not the fucking dog whisperer, asshole. I’m sorry you have such a fragile ego that the idea of a dog not liking you upsets you this much, but that isn’t actually my problem, and it sure as fuck doesn’t give you an excuse to continue upsetting him after I’ve told you you’re upsetting him.