I don't have pictures because my phone camera is being as difficult to work with as Lindsay Lohan on a D-movie set. So you'll have to use your imagination to picture this dish.

But I'll make it up to you with some extra Burt!

Here's a gif of Burt and Dolly, living it up in 'The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas.' Listen to Burt sing a duet with Dolly that was cut from the film (and later re-released as a single from Dolly) here:

Tonight, we're doing a new version of the classic standby for broke people, beans and rice. This is a super easy, fast version, which is why I used canned beans and Minute Rice, but remember, you can replace these with different types of ingredients as you see fit.

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Burt's Breezy Beans & Rice

2 cups of Minute Rice

4-6 whole cloves

2-3 pinches of allspice

4-6 cups of pinto beans (2-3 cans)

1 onion, diced

Butter

2 dried bay leaves (or 1 whole fresh bay leaf)

1/2-1 clove of garlic, minced

1/2 tsp. fennel seeds

1/2 cup brown sugar

2-3 tsp paprika

3-4 tsp cumin

Do your Minute Rice first. I. Freaking. Love. Minute Rice. My mom used it all the time, because what working mom running her own business, working 2 side jobs and raising a crazy pre-pubescent Burt (I was such a little shit) has time to baby sit whole grain rice? I drop a few pats of butter in the water right as it boils, and then drop the rice in. Once it cooks, in about five minutes, toss your cloves in. Add a few pinches of allspice, but taste it to make sure you don't over do it. I like just that hint of subtle spicy sweetness.

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Cover the pot, remove it from the heat, let the rice soak up that aroma/taste of the cloves.

Now, start on the onions. On medium heat, throw 2-3 pats of butter on to a non-stick skillet. Once the butter melts, throw the onions in. Now, stir and stir and stir (stir often!) until they get kind of caramel-y lightish brown. Toss in your garlic, fennel seeds and bay leaves. Add 2 pinches of salt.

Once you really smell the aromatics (about 1-2 minutes), toss your beans in. If you are awesome, you got dried beans and have been cooking them for the past hour. Good for you. You can have a cookie later. The rest of us are taking 1 1/2-2 16 oz cans of drained pinto beans and dumping them into the skillet. Now, add your cumin, paprika and brown sugar.

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This is where personal taste comes in big time. I like something sweeter, so I added extra brown sugar. I also add extra fennel seed, because the BF loves that contrast of the licorice with the spice/sweetness. You have a different palette, so just keep tasting and adding the spices you like better. Want it a little smokier? Add more cumin. Sweeter? Add more brown sugar. Need a little more heat? Double up on the paprika. Also, if you really want some heat, you can add some diced chilis when you thrown in the garlic/bay leaves.

Keep everything on a medium heat, because the beans will cook super fast.

Now get a big bowl or a plate, if you want. Pull out the cloves in the rice, and stir it. Taste; add salt as needed. Grab a couple of big BIG spoonfuls of the rice and spoon it on the plate/bowl. Add the beans over the top. (You can remove the bay leaves, but I leave them in because I think they look cool.)

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That's it! Eat and enjoy. And take a few moments to check out the outtakes of Burt from 'Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.' He is the Outtake King, for real.