Today marks two weeks since my brother took his life. Here is a list of things I have not done since I heard about his death:

  • Taken the trash out on the proper day - thank heaven for cans with lids.
  • Laundry - I should really really do this one. It has the potential to become a problem.
  • Eaten normally. It's been too much or too little each day.
  • Spent more than 5 minutes by myself - not sure if I'm ready to handle that yet.
  • Applied for more than one job in a day - as a freelancer, I know this is going to hurt me later.
  • Emptied the bathroom trash - This is another one I should do before the bottle of leftover hair dye explodes.
  • Slept in a way that felt restful. Which has led to—
  • Felt like getting out of bed in the morning. I do actually, eventually get out, since I can't, like, pee there or anything.
  • Brushed or combed my hair with anything but fingers.
  • Shaved.
  • Let any of my nails grow to a reasonable length. I've been biting them worse in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 20 years.
  • Worn matching socks. This is either coincidence or related to not doing laundry.
  • Used the right commands for the Gracie-dog. She's so confused. It's my fault.