So after a long, arduous fight and months of deliberation I've come to the conclusion that I need to get a new job. My current job is toxic and full of shady shit that I can no longer tolerate, and even though it has the insurance benefits I so desperately need, it also makes those benefits necessary. My therapist is probably sick of me talking about how much I hate my job although that stupid job pays his bills, but now I would rather take my chances somewhere else.

I used to be concerned about solidarity: I didn't want to leave in part because there is a large battle between Good and Evil (I'm only kind of kidding) going on, and I didn't want to abandon the side of good. I didn't want the battle, I didn't start it, I tried to just be a foot soldier, but eventually I decided I was tired of people fighting about stupid shit and stepped up to try and restore balance to the world. Now I'm getting shit for it from Evil and Good has suddenly said "You're an awesome soldier, thanks for stepping up, and we'd love to have your back when people try to retaliate, but doing so would damage the Greater Good...so you're on your own. Sorry!" Which hurts. A lot. Because I didn't ask for a parade or anything...just for Good to have my back like I have theirs.

The decision to quit terrifies me. I had planned to stay in that job until my acting/writing career took off, so now I need to find another one. I just signed a new, higher lease. I just realized that I absolutely NEED to get out of the country before the year is up, or else I risk going to jail for assaulting a customer. I was so broke for so long I live with the gnawing fear of falling back there, of how easy it would be. On top of all that I can't afford to go without insurance because of my bipolar, and the deductible for Obamacare would be way too high for me (even with the tax credit).

But as hard as it will be to leave, that place is and should be just a job to me. I'm getting way too wrapped up in it and I don't know how to get out unless I leave. I need to leave. I need to leave for my sanity. Nobody's looking out for me so I have to look out for myself. It's a really cheesy saying and I'm sure people use it too much, but for me the idea of putting myself and my health first is novel. I've had too many breakdowns and cryfests over a crummy subsistence job where the cockroaches have more power than I do.

Does anyone have any leads on programs with decent (and cheap!) mental health care?

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Or flexible hour jobs that provide health benefits very very soon after signing?

Or a doughnut they could email to me? Because I could really use a doughnut right now. That and some cuddles.