Without a clear solution in sight, still.

I've posted the ongoing saga here of me leaving my aunt's house after she turned out to be an abusive alcoholic. I'm a college student in the middle of my first semester back in school since 2009. I have been fighting to keep up with my studies in the midst of moving out very suddenly for my own safety, while also trying to find another long term living arrangement. I am staying with friends right now, but my deadline for crashing here is the 24th, so five days away. I have been scrambling to find a place to go after that, but everything that I have found it seems like it would be another bad situation, and I really don't want to go out of the frying pan and into the fire after all of this.

I met up with an old friend of mine from five or six years back who is offering me a room in her house that she claimed was really close to my college. Well, I went there earlier this week, and it turns out that the house is actually a 35 minute drive outside of town, in a particularly rough neighborhood. I also got some really weird vibes from her in general. She made an offhand comment about having "a lot of personal life drama" currently. I pressed her a little and her exact comment was "My pride gets in the way of me doing the right thing a lot of the time. That's all I'm telling you." Okay...? There was also quite a bit of talk about how she trusts no one, and had given up finding a roommate because everybody is terrible and lets her down. Our whole interaction just felt weird and sad and off to me.

Then, yesterday I talked with a girl who I met for the first time less than a month ago, who reached out to me on Facebook after I posted about my need for housing. We had lunch and while she seems incredibly sweet, she confided in me about the fact that she has bipolar disorder, and is in NA. She is medicated and seeing a therapist, but...I have an aunt on my mom's side with bipolar disorder, and numerous relatives with past and current addiction problems, so it makes me extremely nervous.

In the past, I would have just resigned myself to the situation and taken up one of these two girls on their respective offers, because I am somewhat desperate. But, I saw my therapist last week, and one of the things that she has been trying to hammer into me is listening to my gut instinct and trusting my intuition. I have had some serious struggles with self-doubt over the past couple of years, basically due to the fact that I grew up with addiction issues throughout my family, and was taught to ignore my feelings and keep my mouth shut, so as not to address the elephant in the room.


And, if I am listening closely to my gut instinct, then neither one of the above situations seem like a good idea for me at this point, after having been through so much already.

But, in doing that, my only other real option is to stay with my mom, who lives 45 minutes away from school in perfect traffic conditions, andshares a very small two bedroom apartment with my elderly grandfather. I would be sleeping on the couch in her living room for six weeks until the semester is over. She and I are on okay terms now, but as I sort of stated above, we had a really rough relationship until about three years ago. She had addiction problems throughout my child/teen years and was never really there for me until I was an adult and more or less able to take care of myself. She's clean and has been for maybe 7 years. I have been in therapy on and off for 5 years now, and have made some great progress. I feel like I have forgiven her for a lot of what's happened, but my current therapist is extremely opposed to me staying with anybody in my family at this point. I don't really think I have a choice, though. Part of the deal with me and staying with my aunt in the first place was so that I could focus entirely on school and not struggle to have a full time job simultaneously. Depression took away most of my late teens and early 20s, and I entered this community college with a low GPA from my old university, so I really wanted to devote everything I had to getting great grades. I'm looking for work now, but it will take me some time to save enough money for a one bedroom place. I might be able to manage it by next spring if I can get financial aid.


So yeah. That is where I am at. While also trying to study for midterms. > _< good news is, throughout all of this, I still have three A's and one B in my classes so far.