Me: Huh? Why were either of you eating those?

BF: I saw the bag on the floor and carried it to our family room bed.

Its not a real bed just three pillows with two dog pillows on top.

My mother: While you were upstairs (I was in the bathroom pooping and reading) I was in the dining room when I came into the family room he was acting like he did something.

BF: She left a bag of tostitoes out. It was a crime of opportunity.

My mother continued: I got on the phone to call (name). When I saw a bag on a pillow it was the tostitoes. He had opened it and was about to eat more.


Me: Did he at least share with her?

My mother: No. He seemed protective. I gave her one.

Me: oh. Did he at least open it properly.

BF: I opened it from top to bottom. With my nice nails.

My mother: Tore it open. I put the rest in a plastic bag.

GF: Your mother gave me one. My BF is so selfish.

Me: Aren’t you selfish with the pillows? If he is sleeping on one don’t you push him off? Then take it.


GF: I have no recall.

Me: Sigh.

I walked to the counter and the plastic bag well he ate half from Tostitos bag.

Me: Mom it looks like he had half.

My mother: (with BF sitting with her on her chair) It was a crime of opportunity he could not help it.


BF: See.

GF: He literally cannot do anything wrong. Unbelievable.

Me: I know.