Time for another edition of What Has TamTams Learned About Herself And Dating.
Yesterday I told Ginger Beard that I wasn't ready to be exclusive him.
Today I told him that I was comfortable with my sexual health choices and if he didn't like them, he could scram. Not exactly like that because I'm not a jerk but something similar.
Anyway, he asked to call me, he said that he always gets new tests with every partner and if I was going to be having sex with another dude, the other dude was gonna need an up-to-date test and he was gonna have to see it. That was his non-negotiable. So I said, "Cool, I had a nice time with you. I hope you find yourself a nice lady." He said, "I hope you find a great dude. Maybe with that guy or someone else." (passive aggressive, much?) Glad I said something because after this whole debacle I was a big fat nope on this guy.
Anyway, on to the things I've learned from this experience.
1. I am not lonely. I thought maybe I was. I am not. I do not need to be in a relationship so badly that I'll take any ol' guy who comes along who is nice. I need sparks. I need chemistry.
2. Speaking of which, while Beardo was nice, there were no sparks, no sexy chemistry. I didn't mind having sex with him but there was no excitement. I've felt sexy sparks for other guys in the past. I want to feel that for the guy I'm with in the future. I want that feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I want to be excited to see my boyfriend. Like Serena here:
3. That whole "It might grow over time" thing doesn't work for me. If it's not happening now, it's probably not going to happen later. That idea might work if I was friends with the guy for awhile and it developed into something more but a stranger who I'm dating? Nope. That's a gut feeling for me that's either there or not. With Ginge, it just wasn't there.
4. It's better to just be honest. If I had not, I'd be his girlfriend right now and I'd be miserable and plotting my escape.
5. I need to stop thinking about how I should be feeling and think more about how I am feeling and operate from there. I didn't really have romantic feelings for Ginger Beard. But he was nice. He seemed like a good, responsible adult who took care of business and he really liked me. So I thought, I should be into this guy, let's see if I can make this work. Let's see if this grows into something. Nope. The moment he asked me to be his girlfriend, I freaked out inside. I didn't actually want to be with him.
He wasn't the right guy, but that's ok! For me, it's been an interesting journey so far of self-discovery. So onward and upward to greener pastures and hopefully more compatible dudes!