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Give Me Your Best Imaginary Clickbait

I like to fancy myself a smart cookie, and I've come to discern that there are quite a few seemingly innocuous subjects that are almost certain to elicit strong opposing opinions, work people up into a lather, and ensure exponential unique pageviews. It's almost as if Gawker Media writers are savvy enough to notice it too. It got me thinking, could I bait clicks? Could I spin a lack of respect for my reading audience a into 500+ comment section? I've compiled a shortlist of such subjects (feel free to shout out any additions!) for which any combination is certain to result in a torrent of feces.

  • Pubic Hair
  • Beyonce's Feminism
  • Vegetarianism/Veganism
  • Other people's romantic and/or sexual relationships
  • Parenting
  • Things said on Twitter
  • Vaccines
  • Pornography
  • Sororities
  • Cultural Appropriation
  • The idea that Kim Kardashian works for a living
  • Weddings
  • Lena Dunham
  • Fat Acceptance
  • Millennials
  • Wearing or Not Wearing Makeup
  • Other people's spending habits

My imaginary clickbait article would be titled "Jizz Isn't Vegan, But I Am," and written from the perspective of a woman whose radical veganism has caused her to declare a moratorium on fellatio because semen is technically an animal protein. (Header image illustrated by Jim Cooke.)


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