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God Dammit/

I am currently 11 or 12 weeks pregnant (my due date is likely to change so I'm more than likely 12 weeks per baby's growth). I posted here a few weeks back about the fact that I'm considered high risk and that means more scans and how I wasn't sure how I felt about things being so hands on. I have tried to put some faith in my doctor and learn that generally science and doctors know what they are doing and trust in their decisions for baby's health. A first trimester screening looks for chromosomal abnormalities (Down's and Trisomy 18) and consists of an ultrasound and a blood test. I was initally hesitant... as usual with me. As soon as I expressed my concern my doctor quickly said that some of the chromosomal conditions are NOT CONDUSIVE WITH LIFE!!! She said it like that, all dramatic and made me feel like a dick for thinking of not doing it. So I proceeded and today I got my results back and because it is only a screening and not diagnositc I got a positive result. Turns out my PAPP-A level was low, indicating a higher than usual chance of Down's. My HCG level was normal (which is good because an elevated level means chances of Down's go up even further yet). My ultrasound for the nuchal test was normal. I think they give the 'results' via a ratio so my baby will have a 1:x chance of having Down's. I am trying hard not to freak the fuck out but I'm worried. I've thought about it and I don't think that having a child with Down's is something that would make me feel differently about wanting to be a parent. It isn't a dealbreaker although for some I can understand if that is the case. Also, I have heard the false positive rate for this screening is pretty high (but I don't have any numbers on that) and while I don't want to put too much stock into my result being a false positive... it is what is easiest right now. Anyone else dealt with this before? Further reading has told me that this PAPP-A level being low could also indicate an issue with the placenta. Just wonderful. This puts my high risk pregnancy at even higher risk, even if I get fruther testing that comes back negative I will monitored super close especially at the end of my pregnancy. I will not be allowed to go over my due date (which they just changed) which makes me very nervous because so many first time mothers I know have gone over their due date by a week or more. I worry about induction, about c-section, about my ability to care for my baby after it is born. I need to stop. I have an appointment with a genetic conselor tomorrow morning where they will lay out my options.


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