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God Damn Pokemon

I wish I could set every deck on fire*. I thought I could not hate any toy more than the ones that talk in creepy annoying voices—BUT NO. SOMETHING WORSE EXISTS.

And that thing is the god damn pokemon card game. The front of the game mat is covered in rules. The BACK of the game mat is covered in rules. And apparently this is not even all of them! No, for that you need the rule book, which the kid doesn’t have. Half the time I try to do something, he’ll tell me that “well, you CAN do that, but you’ll have to miss a turn” or “you can’t do that without ___.” And I don’t see that written anywhere. If I could just read the rule book and figure it all out, I might be able to get used to it. But he doesn’t have the book so I can’t. I guess I should just get over it. I don’t mind about winning or losing, but I mind about being able to understand gameplay and figure out what is going on, and I mind being bored.

I think games should have a few clear, simple rules—strategies can still be complex, but there should not be a hundred rules for every turn. It’s just so damn confusing and frustrating, and while the kid was wanting to play pokemon I had dinner going and the toddler wanting attention and OH MY GOD I JUST CAN’T focus on a complex, boring game like that when ten million other things are going on. I need to teach that kid some good old regular card games, asap. Because I cannot pretend to find this game fun.


Plus, I always feel bummed when a pokemon gets killed, even if it’s his pokemon. The whole point of the game is you are attacking and hurting others, but WHY? I need a motive, like global domination or financial profit. Just attacking to attack is boring as fuck.

Tl;dr: I guess I am old now. But why can’t we just play clue?

*well, if you’re just collecting them, that’s cool. I actually had pokemon cards as a kid, and played the Gameboy color game (and pokemon snap for nintendo 64—LOVED that game!) and saw the Mewtoo (sp?) movie in theaters and watched the tv show. I liked to play with the cards like they were little characters having conversations and adventures. But I never liked the card game. I used to play it with my brother and I found it boring, pointless, and depressing even then. But it seems much more complex now than it was back then!

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