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I've never been a fan of the Spice Girls. They came out when I was a cynical, angry, Pink Floyd-listening-to teen. My trendy friend blasted them for a brief period in her car, which was a strange and horrifying experience for my young self.

Since then, however, I've found their song "Wannabe" to be a guilty pleasure, with its perplexing lyrics- "if you wanna be my lover/ you gotta get with my friends" - so they want this prospective lover to have sex with their friends? Kinky, not really into that, but good for you, Spice Girls. It's fun, stupid pop, which is just what I want sometimes. It's not a coincidence that the time of greatest Spice Girls appreciation was during grad school — during study breaks while I needed something light, energetic, and brainless. The Spice Girls are perfect for that.

While I was flipping channels, I noticed that Spice World was just beginning. I missed the first two minutes, but from what I can surmise, the Spice Girls are the Beatles-ish-ly popular, live on a bus that defies the laws of physics (excellent!) and are assholes to each other.


We get to see the Spice Girls in the interior of the bus and each one's space reflects their persona! Perpetual adolescent Baby Spice has her own area with a custom closet that looks like a child's playhouse, sits on a swing, with a "schoolgirl" outfit and sucks on a lollipop. She's like a 20-something Lolita (quite a contradiction, no?) Sporty Spice pumps iron constantly, has the best accent, and is a sarcastic bitch. I think she's my favorite. Posh Spice wears only Gucci dresses. Scary Spice loses her shit because her boots are missing, only to find out Ginger Spice stole them from her and is flagrantly wearing them at that very moment! This incongruously leads to them throwing stuff and jumping on each other. Ok, sure.

There's a bumbling film crew (led by Alan Cumming!) following the Girls around, attempting to "reveal the truth" about the Spice Girls, yet they keep fucking up! Very funny. The Girls have a pregnant friend who is past her due date, and whose boyfriend/husband Trevor just left her! What a bastard! This leads to a fantasy sequence in which the Spice Girls see themselves as mums. It's the first actually funny moment in the movie.

There are a bunch if guys scheming to make money off of the Girls. They are boring and I hate them. At a Spice Girls party they mingle around. Posh Spice talks to Jennifer Saunders (of Absolutely Fabulous!) and I die. Then, the Alan Cumming character asks the Spice Girls about "boys". No, not men, but boys. Specifically, do they like them? The consensus is, "yeah, we're definitely hetero." Except for Sporty Spice, who doesn't know what boys are.

However! In the next scene, the Spice Girls react with disgust when male dancers appear during their rehearsal. Sporty Spice, who has never met a "boy", says, "Look at his muscles! Looks like he's got ferrets burrowing under there or something." Thanks for the disgusting visual.


Meatloaf is their bus driver! They meet some aliens! They have to stay at a scary old mansion! They're fucking around on a boat and fall off!

Slogging on, the Spice Girls defy their manager and maybe sorta break up? Then they get to reminiscing about before they were famous. Aw.


They help their friend deliver her baby, and Ginger Spice declares, "now that's girl power!" BARF. They maybe almost don't make it to the show they're doing later that evening, but Posh Spice drives their bus really fast! They make it to their show and everything is peachy. There's some triumphant singing! I feel uncomfortable about how much I like their outfits. FIN.

Thoughts: Holy shit that was long.

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