I'm flying home to San Francisco tonight. I don't feel ready to go. Everything is so up in the air and I'll be missing my dad's first chemo treatment.

On the other hand, I haven't seen my husband in a week-and-a-half and I need to go back to work. I need to go back to work and save as much money as I can. My husband it going to try to get his old second job at a nightclub back. If nothing goes wrong with us, we should at least be able to pay the shortfall of their mortgage. It's just cutting it close.

It's just hard because my dad has had a rough couple of days and I hate the fact that he will likely be even worse off the next time I'm here. He' eaten half a pudding, half a juice box, and a few bites of egg in the past day. Again, this is BEFORE chemo. Argh.