Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery
This is a platform for User Generated Content. G/O Media assumes no liability for content posted by Kinja users to this platform.

Good decisions I make when I am home alone

Sooooooo, my boyfriend is at his father's house tonight and I am home alone. A night to myself, I think! What fun I will have all alone in my big shadowy apartment!

I will watch some TV, I think! Hahaha, I almost never watch TV so this will be fun. I get on Netflix and look for shows. Something funny? Something amusing and lighthearted? No even better! I see my favorite show from my teen years, the X-Files. I haven't seen it since it originally aired, this will be fun! I watch the pilot, I watch the second episode, and the third one queues.



Illustration for article titled Good decisions I make when I am home alone

I knew it was coming, I remember it was early in the first season. I remember it really well, mostly because it is one of the most terrifying TV episodes I have ever seen in my life. Did I skip it? No. I watch it, all of it, right up until we know with certainty that he will escape to kill again.

Oh, that was fun I think, let me go turn on the light in the kitchen in case someone tries to break into my house, you know, not that Tooms is real, but—OH MY GOD WHAT IS THE SOUND IN THE ALLEY—oh, it's a squirrel. I'm going to keep this light on anyway just so people know I'm still awake JESUS DID SOMEONE JUST TRY TO GET IN MY BACK DOOR??? No, that sound was probably wind or most likely nothing at all.


I tried to lessen the effect by watching more episodes, I stopped after they found and killed the Jersey Devil because I can't think of less scary episode than that piece of shit.

My cat will totally warn me of any impending attack from a stretchable science fiction character or anyone else, right? And he will protect me with his razor claws, right? Also if I keep all the lights on all night no one will try to break in because they will know I am awake and waiting for them and I will make it totally impossible for them to rip out my liver...right?

Share This Story

Get our newsletter