I’m now the proud wielder of an IUD. Still, holy hell was it a ride to get one. I’m not sure how a/typical my story is, but I figure it can’t hurt to write about it.

(Obviously, trigger for medical stuffs.)

Now that I have my own transportation again (a story for another post), I decided I needed a stable contraception that was not going to turn me into a low-grade rage machine the way Depo-Provera did. So I went back to what I’d originally wanted: an IUD. (I had wanted one instead of the Depo, but I was told I would need to make a second appointment to have it inserted. At the time, I didn’t have reliable transportation for that. So I deferred to Depo....and became sorry that I had.) I made an appointment for this past Friday since it was a day off, and I went down to Planned Parenthood to (hopefully) have one inserted. Originally, I had decided to try Paraguard, but I eventually changed my mind and had Mirena inserted.

Yeah, about that...I was one of the ones the scheduling reps on the phone caution you about when it comes to IUDs; you know, the ones who have to go back due to them not being able to be inserted the first time. Even though I was just starting my period, my cervix was way too tight to get a sound in. The provider gave me a prescription for Misoprostol, to use sublingually (under my tongue) an hour before my next appointment. That appointment was today.

So today, I popped 800mg more Ibuprofen, slipped those two tablets under my tongue, and went back and had my second attempt. The medication seemed to work, as my cervix was relaxed enough for the provider to get a sound in. After a few attempts, she turned to the dilator. And this is where the suck sets in. So she was gradually dilating my cervix, and apparently it just opened all of a sudden. As it did, I felt the most excruciating pain I have ever felt down there (I’ve never had kids, so I wouldn’t know labor pain). It seriously felt like all the nerves in that one concentrated spot ‘cooked off’ all at once. The worst part for me about that is I scream when I’m hit with unexpected, excruciating pain. I scream loudly. And I knew I was going to start screaming as soon as I felt that pain. The only thing I could do was clamp my hand over my mouth to muffle the noise and hang in there until she finished. Luckily for me, she knew I was in distress and finished inserting it very quickly.

I haven’t had much pain since, but those were the longest 30-45 seconds of my life. I hope this Mirena stays put so I don’t have to go through that again before 5 years are up.