Today is the three-year anniversary of my mother’s sudden death. At the time, people told me that it would get easier. Three years later, it hurts just as much.

We didn’t particularly get along: she was a raging narcissist raised by a racist, verbally abusive asshole, and we struggled to get along. It was a classic cycle of her hurting me, me cutting her off, and then my dad brokering a half-assed peace until the cycle could repeat.

But still - it hurts to not have her here. Logically, I know that if she were alive, we’d still be locked into the old cycle. Sentimentally, I wish she were here.

I dunno, guys. It’s just a painful day. I have a ton of feelings I want to get out but can barely talk (or type) without turning into a snotty, bawling mess. Send me some funny gifs, please.