I sat down this morning to finish readings/work on my resume for the co-op program application which is due in a week. Ten minutes later I proceeded to get up, because I was gasping for air in between sobs and couldn’t stop shaking. This is my second anxiety attack in two weeks.
They warned us that this first semester was going to be tough. I don’t expect grad school to be easy; I really don’t. I’m prepared to do the work and I have a good work ethic to combat my tendency to get distracted. But I try, I work as best I can without pushing myself into madness, and it’s not enough. I already suffer from anxiety related to being productive and not being good enough, and this situation is exactly 10000000000% the kind of thing that triggers it. And right now it’s not even a “this concretely feels bad and I wish I could have a break/quit/manage my time better” specificity. I’ve plunged right over the cliff of feeling bad about myself and just straight into a black pit of anxiety and panic.