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Grief Entry #6 - The Last Day Before I See Him

I want to thank everyone who's been reading and commenting. I spoke to a few people at length about it who've tangled with the Big Black Dog and they were really encouraging and found it helpful. And that's an awesome thought that a thing that's helping me can help someone else. I hope it does.

Since today's plans were to go through photos of Dan and write the eulogy, I wasn't expecting today to be a great start.

Here are the messages I had to send this morning:


At 10 o'clock the funeral home was ringing Amanda's and my phone off the hook because the technician was there and no clothes—and no answer. God bless my MIL because if I hadn't been able to channel exactly what she would have said if we let her down like this, I might have sent him some truly nasty shit. This changing the plan on critical things that we are RESPONSIBLE for and not telling anyone wtf is going on is such a huge part of why we're estranged to begin with. What's sangry called when you mix in a huge heaping dose of disappointment? Have a little goddamn empathy, dude. You buried your sister and you should have a clue what this is fucking like for us. And this shit got my sister told off first thing this morning by the an office when she couldn't give them an answer. We should have fucking done it ourselves. I cannot even put into words the amount of stress he put us through this morning.

This one takes the whole shitcake though:

There's one person who keeps posting who was asked before this message to stop. We've gotten a grand total of zero response. I want to smack them.

If they keep motherfucking posting I might.

On the upside I did finish the eulogy. I asked a dear friend who is an excellent, well-practiced, professional writer to read it over for me and she said something that made me sure I'd hit all the right tones (in addition to my sister's emphatic agreement that it was what we want to say). I respect her opinion a great deal, so this means a lot to me and it might be the only thing for me to get a swelled head about for a while:

Wow. That's not only a gorgeous celebration of Dan but a damn fine sermon for the living. I am so impressed.


I'll be posting the eulogy as its own GE on Sunday as soon as I get home. I'd consider auto posting, but I'm afraid of screwing it up.

I have to go dye my rapidly graying hair. This is exactly what happened to me when a close friend died last year. The cuticle and the color is just falling off my fucking hair. I must put out some kind of horrible chemical while grieving. Sucks.


All of this sucks.

The obituary appeared in this morning's post. And #4, as the first numbered entry has everything from the beginning linked up.


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