What kind soul will join me for a group drink? And should you feel so inclined, listen to my tale of woe and heartache. The reason I’ve been so MIA the last few week and a half!
I think I’ve fallen quite hard for someone I didn’t even realise existed 2 weeks ago. I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t even see a future here and I don’t know what’s happening. You see, he doesn’t live in the country, he’s going back home friday and I don’t know when I’ll see him again.
We’ve chatted all day every day since we were first in touch. We’ve met twice. The first time he purposely didn’t get on a train with his friend to stay with me (not a move, we discussed it as it was happening) The second time his friend and him spent many hours getting to my town, just to have drinks with me. He spent the night again (friend went home).
He’s different from any sort of guy I’ve ever dated. Open and enthusiastic and in many ways a lot more like me than the guys I usually date. He talks more than me! That never happens. He texts me constantly, just to tell me something he’s doing, ask how I’m doing, just an emoji or make some sort of stupid lame-ass joke.
But he’s been through some very serious shit very recently and it’s all still very raw for him. He told me I’m not a rebound to him, because that’d imply he didn’t really like me the way he does. (even though I wouldn’t mind, so long as we call it what it is, I feel no shame in rebounds) He doesn’t know what the future will hold and can’t answer any questions about it. He just knows he likes me. I truly believe he likes me. But I feel like a rebound, a holiday rebound even.
I know what I should do. And that is just knock him out of my life now. That’s the safest and most sensible option. I don’t blame him at all for not being all in after what he’s been through. But it’ll be better for me to cut him loose now rather than wait a few extra days. But I’ll miss being in touch with him. He made me laugh.
I guess when I fall, I fall hard. When someone breaks my casual ice queen mode, I break apart. I’ll be fine in a few days, I know that. But I’m still sad. Even though I didn’t see this going anywhere anyway. I actually feel a bit better having written it down already :)
This is going to make a great story though.
ETA: I also just realised that I totally nailed a few things with this whirlwind romance: Putting myself out there and asking for clarity when I needed it! So you know, silver linings ;)
ETA2: I feel a bit sad. But having processed it by writing it all out (as I am won’t to do) I actually feel bittersweet about it. A bit sad. But happy that I got to meet him :)