Since I feel like I've been able to ramble at you, and there's been so much I wanted to share! The last week of my life has been far busier than I normally am, and there has been SO much happening. If you don't mind, I'd love to break it down for you.

My week begins with a conference my work holds annually for clients. This year, we added in a master level training certification portion - two days of high level training on software that my team and I had to run. Would you believe that speaking in front of a room on complicated technical issues for several hours was actually the LEAST stressful part of the whole thing? Let's talk about all of the horrible things I found out while everyone was drunk at the two social drinking parties there were during our conference

First, to give a bit of backstory. I like(d?) the head guy of our small company. He's always been kind to me, and fairly paternal, and for a tech company, he does great at focusing on things like making sure to hire women and minorities. He's married to a lovely woman and has two kids. Now, one of my coworkers is a lesbian, and brought her girlfriend to the first night party to meet everyone. Her girlfriend was a really beautiful and vivacious Asian woman, and apparently, my boss decided that it would be totally cool at the end of the night to come up to the two of them and offer them his room key and proposition a 3-some. Then when they declined politely and immediately left the party, he called them like 10 minutes later being like where did you guys go?? (answer: my co-worker went home and cried). He also while hitting on them made several references to another co-worker (one that he frequently travels with) being a "squirter" and making it fairly obvious he'd banged her too.

Emotions and reactions from me? 1) I feel terrible for my co-worker. What a fucking shitty position to be in. 2) General awfulness of the way that men automatically hypersexualize lesbians 3) Kind of want to look for another job, because I don't want to work for that guy and 4) Not super surprised because there are two women here that are both not good at their jobs but get a ton of opportunities and are listened to by this guy and now I'm pretty sure that it's not of the blatant ego stroking they do, but possibly other types of stroking.

Second night, not as drama filled, but my OTHER coworker decided that it would be nice to randomly show me a video of himself getting a blow job from a woman who was clearly not his wife, and then offer to show me some more videos (I politely declined) and then continue on to tell me that he had a 9 month long affair where they did all sorts of random sexual shit, including but not limited to peeing on each other. He has been married to his wife for just over a year. This is not shocking to me - they were together for 8 years, I know he and his wife don't have sex, and I'm fairly certain she knows and looks the other way - but seriously, there is no professional guide of etiquette that will ever advise you to show a co-worker homemade porn and tell them you got peed on. I also got very drunk, and then inappropriately propositioned my ex for sex, was turned down, and went home and cried. That was sad.

This was Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday I went home and was in pajamas by 5pm.

Now Thursday (we're only to Thursday here!) was actually a really big day for me in a lot of ways. First and foremost - I went to therapy for the first time! I'm a little sad that all the drama above will kind of overshadow this, because going to therapy is something I've known I should do for years, been struggling to do for a year, and finally ended up sitting on a couch doing, and I'm really proud of myself.

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It was honestly about like I thought it would be (due in no small part to all of the good advice I got and stories I heard from hanging out on GT) and I liked my therapist and am going back to see her. I cried the entire time and just tried to be super honest. I literally used up all of her Kleenex. I have homework to read a book called Dance of Intimacy, so if anyone has read please let me know what you think!

Then I called in a personal day to work, because fuck it. I was so tired and ALSO that night I was volunteering for a local vintage expo, wherein - and this is the best part of the whole post! - I'd been asked to be part of a vintage fashion show! This was kind of a big deal for me - I deal with a lot of eating and body image issues, so even though this wasn't a typical modelling show (I'm only 5'4 for instance) it was just ridiculously nice to be asked, and then also really fun to do. The show itself was really neat, and they did focus on women with all different types of bodies and heights and it was just regular people walking out there in gorgeous old clothes - including old timey lingerie! Also, I did the entire thing without drinking, which as an introvert and someone who gets tense socially and likes to have a drink to relax if I have to deal with people, was kind of personally great for me (I don't get wasted, but it's way easier for me if I have like one drink to make it easier to talk).

Friday was non-eventful (thank god, I'm exhausted by this point) and Saturday I did all my errands in the day, and then volunteered for a local dance competition at night, which was super fun to watch.

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LONG POST OVER!

But thank you for letting me get that all out. I would love to hear your thoughts! And also - general poll. Would you start looking for a new job after all that? I don't want to work for a place where the boss does that, but he's also got a good amount of good on his books. I also don't want to move and I'm worried that other opportunities with the same financial aspects are not huge here. But... ugh. That kind of action in a small company is going to blow up at some point, right?