Does anyone have advice on how to deal with cheaters, socially, that you are friends with/want to stay friends with? WHEN YOUR SKIN IS CRAWLING AND YOU ARE SO MAD?



CONTEXT TIME - skip down a bit if you just want the 'HELP ME WITH THE CHEATER' cry for help!

I'm in grad school. I am very, very lucky to be in grad school, and I am generally aware of that. So, while I tots complain about workload like everyone else (although I think that is the most entitled complaint ever... usually we are not doing that much work, guys), and I get frustrated and overwhelmed sometimes, I am usually appreciative of this opportunity.

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I started my PhD this fall! Arrived at my new school ready to dork it up. Walk into orientation, and my cohort consists almost all of 'cool kids' that sit at the back of the class and roll their eyes if you get engaged in discussion. WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE. I CAME here to be a dork. Didn't you? Didn't we all?! Why are you here acting like a grumpy teenager when you've been given this opportunity?!

So. Running with people like that has never helped my academics, and luckily I finally have the confidence to say "fuck that noise!", sit at the front, and stick my hand up when I want to. There are 3-4 kids like me, and we generally have a great discussion with the professor in the class.

I have made a friend! A lovely friend, who is also a secret criminologist, like me (we're wearing sociology hats for this degree). He's hilarious, and we have great discussions out of class. He is a little 'cool kid' in that he tries to drag me to the back of the class, but when I don't go, he comes with me. So, okay.

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He cuts corners. All of the time. And makes me feel like a loser when I don't want to. Things like "pfsh, I'm not going to read that book, let's just fake it - pact to not read the book?!" and "ugh, THREE readings this week? Let's split them and email each other the points so the prof will think we read them." For further context, we have two classes that actually require homework. In a PhD course. And he thinks it's outrageous when said profs expect us to actually do the homework.

So, what is he doing? HE IS HANDING IN ALMOST THE SAME TERM PAPER FOR BOTH CLASSES.


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AND TEXTING ME TO BRAG ABOUT HIS PROGRESS.

The topic works for both classes, and he'll just have to emphasize different parts, so maybe 2-3 pages of each paper will be unique (of TWENTY PAGES). He keeps 'lol-ing' about 'hope they don't compare notes!' and joking about the things he will do with his extra time.

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I want to KILL something. I swear, this kid is cool in other departments. I don't have any friends in this new city besides my lovely partner, and I would like to not alienate him. But it is so hard to put on a smile when he thinks he's playing the system. I am partially angry because I am going to do the work, and he isn't, and he will probably get a better mark than me (he has thus far), but I'm more angry at all of the kids like me that didn't get in, and would have appreciated this. He doesn't even know why he's in the program, just didn't know what else to do with his time.

Sigh. Am I being too involved in someone else's business? Should I not be friends with someone who makes me this angry? Should I just make myself a mantra that this isn't my problem, and focus on the cool parts of his personality? Is it moral to sit by and let someone cheat like this? I know I would not be able to sit by if he was plagiarizing a published work by someone else, but using his own work is more of a grey area, I suppose.

LONGEST POST EVER, sorry guys!

Tl;dr: My classmate and new friend is writing the same paper for two classes, and I don't know how to manage these angry feelings and associated ethics.