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GT, I need relationship help

I hear you guys are really good at it.

I kind of feel like an asshole for making my first post ever about my crappy relationship, but these are desperate times.

Basically, I need to break up with my boyfriend. It's been a few months coming and I've kind of been in denial about it, but I really don't think there's anything to save anymore.


We've been together for four years and we're each other's first really serious relationship. He's my best friend and I love him, but I don't want to be with him anymore. We just keep getting in the same fight over and over again and nothing is ever resolved. It's very unhealthy and it's making us both miserable. We had fight number 1873638282 today and I'm just so emotionally drained.

So, what's the problem? Well, as I've mentioned before, I'm in China on a one-year teaching contract with him, with four months left to go. We live together, we work together and we're each other's biggest source of support. We're in a very small town with very few English speakers and very little to do. I don't think moving out is an option for me, because our housing is provided by our boss. If I were to quit and look for another job, I'd probably lose my working permit. Plus, I like it here. I want to finish off my contract before heading home.

I don't know what to do. How do you break up with someone when they're the closest person you have on the whole continent? And then still live with them every day? I'm afraid people at school will feel like they have to choose between us and they'll choose him. I'm afraid I'll never find anyone who makes me as happy as he made me and who gets me like he did. And I just feel so alone right now. I can't even go out drinking, because he's my only drinking buddy! The only other English teacher is a dude twice my age with a very pregnant wife at home. I don't want to bother them with this shit. And the Chinese teachers don't really drink.

The worst thing is, I bet tomorrow one of us will cave and we'll patch things up and pretend like everything is okay, because we're both so afraid of letting go. Blah.


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