I’m trying to get out of my (sadly, surprisingly) horrible kid’s party job but GUUHHHHH updating your resume! GUHHHHHHHHH writing cover letters!!!
Who the fuck reads anything past the first paragraph of a cover letter anyway?
If I had to write an honest cover letter it would be:
Dear future boss,
Hi, I’m Korra. No, I don’t have direct experience in your field because I majored in Theater and have spent most of my working life as a waitress/ babysitter. Yes, this means I have no other useful skills in life aside from making shit up and pretending to be good at it, but you should hire me anyway because...well...making shit up and pretending to be good at it is the human condition, right?
In conclusion, please hire me at a reasonable rate of $20/hr. I would also like insurance, a flexible schedule and free Snapple in the break room. Thirdly, please don’t be a dick. Pretty much everyone I’ve worked for in the waitress/babysitting world has been a huge dick and I’d hate to report you for labor violations and make both our lives miserable.
Thanks a ton,