If it was possible to be more stressed as I am, I promise you I'd be completely bald from all the hair that would be falling out. My place would look like a wookie barber shop.

Stats week 1 is almost over. Well, the classes are. But didn't finish my lab (basically they give you a bunch of questions, you have to use this weird software and make graphs and charts, then explain the answers with the graphs and shit), so at 7am I have to get to school to attempt to translate the questions into plain English. And then figure out how to make those stupid graphs.

Oh, and the best part? I literally have 25 problems to do. And some computer stuff. And it's not helping that the professor (who is really nice and patient) is not clarifying how to upload some of the homework. The one I'm talking about requires using a third party software thingy and I don't know how to get it on the word document I need to turn in. Or if I even need to. The syllabus isn't a huge help either.

I grasp the concepts ok, it's just that it's all written so weird. I had my first meeting with my tutor yesterday (awesome gal!), and I learned how to find the mean with a weird equation with a sigma in it. Um, in like, 4th grade, we just added up the numbers and divided by the number of numbers. I guess the sigma equation works the same, but why can't we do the more simple equation way? That doesn't even make sense.

I feel like I'm already falling behind, even though I'm pretty good (just need to read one more chapter, and the book/powerpoints explain stuff ok), but the lectures make no sense. I record them-but I always have to be in the back because the lectures start right after section, which always runs into overtime. Gahhhh!

Oh, and I have a midterm in two weeks. Cherry on top of the shit sundae.

I think I'm intimidated by the amount of work I need to do, and the mixed messages I'm getting. I think I'm like, I donno, studying wrong-I'm writing stuff down, but more in a humanities/social science way. I know I should do extra problems, but I'm exhausted.

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Plus, my friends-my friends!-are pissed off at me because I have zero social life these days. Oh, and some of them are asking me to help them fix their personal problems. I tried to explain how hard this is for me, and how I can't afford to get below a C. I'm going to have a long talk with them. As soon as I find time to talk.

Maybe I'm not working hard enough-I tend to work myself to the bone, and still feel guilty. Maybe I'm going about it all wrong. Maybe everything everyone is saying just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe I'm fixating on the hard stuff, as opposed to the things I sorta get. I'm just confused, frustrated, and I feel like crap because I'm not great at math. The math and writing it down isn't very hard. It's just understanding the concepts and being scared of math in general. Sure, I'm finding it pretty interesting, but it's just so...foreign.

I am just so pissed off at myself for not having any energy, and because I feel like I'm doing everything I can without getting anywhere. And my place is going to look like a wookie barber shop in 5 more weeks, minus Han Solo.

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Edit: I need to do a quiz this weekend too.