Happy Birthday to the Groupthink bouncer dude who monitors the door, making sure the shitheads stay out and keep their fights on the sidewalk. so I don't get drinks spilled down my dress when a couple of assholes start shoving each other around.

In honor of your birthday, and because Project Breadway is one of my favorite things ever, I got you something totally perfect for you! I got you some sexy bread.

Here is some sexy bread.

This is pretty sexy, this lady ripping up bread in a bathing suit. Seems like that's going to be a big mess to clean up later, but OK.

When in doubt, always, always, use a sexually provocative picture of a woman to sell your product. Even if it's just a loaf of multigrain bread.


This bread looks like a penis.


And this bread looks like boobs.

I, uhhh.....I don't really know what this is.


Don't go too far down the 'sexy bread' Google images rabbit hole, guys. There's some things that aren't right. They just aren't right.